Private Warfare

With my boss recently being quiet, I've undertaken my own personal war.

You know what I hate most? Goblins. Really annoying critters. Recently I found out that the Guard of the Gourd agrees with me. He's worried that they're planning to blow up the Gourd with their explosives.

So, I've started a guerrilla warfare agains the ugly critters.
Mostly, I lurk around their Knob, waiting without eating or drinking and ambushing them by surprise, confiscating their explosives. The Guard of the Gourd supplies me with strengthening potions for this, which is pretty neat after not drinking or eating for so long!

Due to my military status, I'm not able to use the mall for supplies either, gotta get everything by myself. Also Hagnk's got sealed, due to some goblin treachery I bet.

The supply of goblins seems somewhat dwindling, so I've taken the liberty of taking a detour through the Pixel Lands. In conjunction with the old crackpot (turns out he's a vet from the Cola Wars and does military intelligence for the Guard of the Gourd) I've concocted a device to bait more goblins to me.

And in the meantime, the Council obviously learnt from my exploits, as they've commissioned me to assasinate the Goblin King...

The plot is getting thicker. Stay tuned!

Binarrrca.

Well, I was enjoying some rest, when the boss called.

"Yarr, ye landlubber, ye be slacking about, go to the Island at once and deal with the pirates."

So, I suffered the slings and arrows (or rather, flareguns and blundarbusses, those Pirates' got technology nowadays) of their outrage, and mostly plundered their booty.

Which, for some reason, consisted mostly of a shipment of "Cans of Binarrrca". I was all happy about that, when the boss told me to go to my store, and sell it there. One per customer and way below market value!!!

Scandalous. I'll be in my hammock,.

No Time to Write

Mostly, I did nothing, of course, although I did have some travails of my own.

Recently however, I've been forced into activity again and slavered hard in and around Cobb's Knob. They've got their King and apparently the boss is mad with him, and he wants to be King instead, or something.

I've been raiding the Treasury, stealing from their cooks and even their Harem Girls are not safe. I've taken a peak down the old mining shaft they've got there, but it's filled with spooky ghosts. I'm glad my boss is not sending me down there or into that creepy lab.

I feel kinda sorry for the Guard Goblins, but hey it's them or me.

Hard Labour!

After a long time of well-deserved rest, the boss sent me into the Mines!

It's somewhat easier to navigate your way there, but it's still the same old hard labour of mining and getting injured over and over by falling rocks. I did find a few stones of eXtreme Power, however. I'm hiding them from the Boss and keeping them myself!

Ho, ho, ho :-(

So, everyone been celebrating Crimbo. My boss being all the happy guy, and what do I get?

A bit of hanging about and working the gym. It all seemed pretty cool and quiet. But then it happens. "There's this trailer park in the mountains, go check it out". So, I go there, and guess what, Uncle Crimbo lives there and his guys are on strike.

So what does my boss ask? Go fight the Elves! I've been tussling with them for days straight! I'm not alone there, it's one giant rumble between striking Elves and adventurers. Uncle Crimbo eventually even sent his raindeer into the fray, to beat down on the Elves. But guess what, this one raindeer, Rudolph, turns against them and he even convinces some of the adventurers. I get a sign put into my hands, and before you know it, instead of being beat up by angry, sugar-crazed Elves, it's by big bulky Raindeer!

At least I've got this toy soldier, a vietnam vet, to help me. He downs tequila like it's lemonade, and I don't blame him.

Just when I'm getting in the mood, my boss swings by, telling me I'm relieved, and goes smacking Elves first, until he steals one of their signs and then just runs over the Reindeer. Even got his pet Elf, Flip, to help him.

Anyway, just glad to be out of there. Went to the Old Geezer in the trailer. He, the toy soldier and I, just sat around drinking tequila, while the whole Kingdom around us had gone crazy.

Merry Crimbo.

What am I? A zombie?

So, now, that fraud of a "Doctor" from the market square claims to have made a "Breakthrough" in plague protection.

He uses the zombie pineal glands to make blowdarts. If I sneak up on adventurers with the plague and blowdart them, they get "immunized". Yeah, like, for real! My boss bought it hook, line and sinker, so guess who's fighting zombies, looking at the "Hall of Brains" and then sneaking up and blowdarting those people back in the future.

They don't all look too happy. Really.

And what's worst of it, all the time-travelling really makes one go dizzy. Major headache.

Dead Giveaway

Every pause only means bad news is on the way. And boy, was the news bad this time. The boss is very upset. He lost all his stuff due to temporal rifts, and apparently they're tied in to the mysterious plague he hates.

In a month or so, we're all going to be zombies! And the only way to stop this is travel into the future to slay ourselves to get the cure...guess who gets to do the slaying?

Yup.

I've been travelling back and forth to the future to collect pineal glands from zombies. Even zmobie zombies!

Grumble.