Pining for a wand

So, instead of having to go back to that ship filled with Ghosts and Droids and whatnot, Boss decided I should go visit this "Enormous Greater Than Sign". I was attacked by all types of ASCII characters. I was supposed to look for some new kind of wand or something, and should just go there and not come back without one.

All I got was a severe case of "Teleportitis", making me go places I'd rather not. I know a dozen funny limericks by heart, now...but no wand.

Paranoia

I just hoboflexed half a day, and then got sent to that Airship place a bit more. I saw another ghost. A tin-foily one. Weeeeeeeeeeird!

Itch and burn!

The boss started off by sticking me in a tanning booth for 100 turns. That was supposed to be good for my "secondaries". I came out red like a crab! Another 100 turns on the hobo-flex later, my skin started to peel a bit. He gave me a ton of Beelzeburgers to eat, which burned me on the inside.

Then he sent me to the beanbat-cave to get some bean, "that's easy enough", I thought. Except that that bean was some kind of magical bean, that, after being planted in this Giant heap of coffee grounds (what the heck was *that* doing in the plains?!?) grew right up into the clouds. And you guessed it right, I had to climb it.

He luckily had brought some of my more serious hitting stuff, because up there, it was a warzone! There was this huge ship, crawling with all kinds of monsters, and non-too-friendly adventurers and even huge MagiTechMech MegaMechs! They all seemed to be fighting eachother and consequently me. I was holding my own, until I got startled by some weird ghost. He had me so confused that I didn't notice one of the droids creeping up behind me and lasering my sunburn! Yowch! My MiniMech droid was no match for him, so I quickly slinked down and to my campground.

Talk about a trial by fire. One of those days, again, I guess.

Biding my time

I needed a watch. Well, wanted a watch. So I can take a look at the seconds ticking away 'till I'm again forced to spend hours on that hobo-flex.

At first I thought I'd drop by the Cyrpt, but I forgot that I had already cleared that. Suprising that nothing else has taken residence there. After all, it's a perfectly good Cyrpt! Walking back home through the graveyard, I noticed that all the guys from the Cyprt were simply out partying on the lawn! And they wanted me to be the main course. I had to autoplunge some of them to get away, but besides a lihc's eye that had stuck on me (yeghh) and some cranberries (even more ewwww), I still had no watch.

The Mall of Loathing had a large supply of watches, however, so I simply picked up one of those.

Hobo-flex

Blegh...

Boss made me hobo-flex all day. At least I was numbed from the hang-over. Excuse me while I vomit in the Sleazy Back Alley.

Goggles & Goofiness

It must have all gone wrong when I took those goofballs. But hey, I had been forced to spend 200 adventures in the library! I needed a break.

But you know what goofballs can make you do. I was all hopped up, walking to my campground, when I passed the Mall. I saw...beer goggles. How cool are beer goggles? I plunked down the 6k meat like I had just found a dupe bug and decided that things should change. On my way to my cottage, I realized that I needed to change pants and go on a crazy adventure. Who wears miner pants? Uberpants, that's the shit! Rummaging through my stuff, I found my trusty old autoplunger. Now that's a weapon. Revving from o to 100 in 3.6 seconds flat. Wearing an "lihc face" is also yucky. I put on an orcish baseball cap. Now that's what I call stylin'.

It must have been the cap that triggered my memory of how much I hate orcs. Always with those paddles. Ugh. So I rowed over to their frat house and forced myself entry with my autoplunger! Woohoo! I made them drop their pants and stole their vodka. Serves them right. Sipping on the vodka, I smelt something bad. Hippies. If there's anything I hate even more than Orcs, it's Hippies. Taking my spiffy MagiMechTech MicroMech, I ran over to the hippies and beat them up. They had left some brownies, but I must have been drinking too much of that vodka, because my head started all spinny. Looking at the world through beer goggles didn't help.

In a drunken haze, I slapped some gel in my hair and made a mad dash for the Border in my bitchin' meat car. South of the Border, you can really have some fun, you know. I made a fortune betting on cock fights. All these darn kids though managed to sell me pieces of the most awful flavoured chewing gum. Yuck. The goofballs and vodka was starting to wear off, when this guy offered me pills. Woohoo, I thought, but it turns out they're some kind of medical pills. Well, who cares? I stashed my trunk full of them, and headed home.

Boy, am I gonna have a bad hang-over tomorrow. And I'll be forced to sweat it off on the hobo-flex, no doubt. Blegh.

I need a vacation.

We don't like to talk about it...

...but it happens every day. The most respected of players do it, out of sight of the general populace.

Multi Abuse!